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In Memory of Tucker the Toad

fbrnI am at a loss for words tonight after losing our Toady today. He started having seizures this week and the vets started him on Phenobarbital. He had another one this morning and was having trouble breathing. We rushed him in to my work and put him in oxygen for a few hours. I cried the whole time thinking that this couldn't really be it. I am thankful that he came to work so many times so he was surrounded with people he knew. When I came back to see him in oxygen, I could tell he wasn't any better from the looks on my friend's faces. My doctor said we could try taking him home and seeing how he did on some Lasix, since they now believe his heart may have been the problem. I crawled in the cage with him and, of course, said we would try that. He's our Toad. During all this he just lay there with his big block head on my leg huffing away.

Knowing it was the only thing I would understand, my fiancée asked me if I was doing it for him or for me. I knew, looking in Toady's eyes, that it was for me. I wasn't ready to let him go, but also knew I couldn't ask him to go through anymore. He went quietly and quickly in my arms. I told him I loved him and that he was such a sweet little man.

I still can't believe that he is gone. I always knew that his life would be shorter than it should've been, but it seems unreal. He had such personality. The house is quiet and lonely tonight without his presence. It's hard to put into words the pain of his loss. I'm happy to have shared a year with this loving and brave boy. I hope in the time we spent together that he knew every day that he was loved. I will never forget his crazy little dance when I got home from work. He was the first to greet me at the door. I think he had bionic hearing. There are so many things that made him so special and not one of them had anything to do with his disability. I don't think I will meet another like him again...

R.I.P. Sweet Toady 
Run fast and far my little man. The piece of my heart that you took with you will be there to cushion you when it's finally time to rest. Thank you for every smile that you put on our faces. I hope you had a great time with us. Know that our family won't be the same without you. I miss you, Toady pants. You will forever be in my heart.

Brandie Cates